Science - 7 God - 0
The Real Score In The Case Of The McCaughey Septuplets
by Michael Earl , 12/14/97In the wake of all the religious hoopla surrounding the recent birth of the McCaughey septuplets, I am reminded of a story told to me by the president of our local freethought group. Seems that her son, John, had recently emerged from the tooth fairy myth. Like many of us did at one time, John believed that when he lost a baby tooth and placed it under his pillow, the tooth fairy would visit in the middle of the night, snatch the recently ousted tooth from under his pillow and replace it with a crisp one dollar bill. (It seems that not even the tooth fairy is immune from the clutches of inflation. When I was John’s age, I only got a quarter.)
Eventually, the time came for telling John that there was really no such thing as a tooth fairy and that it was, in reality, Mom who had placed all those dollar bills under his pillow. To help soften the blow my friend offered to simply give John, directly, a dollar every time one of his baby teeth popped out. Somewhat shaken, John accepted the news of the tooth fairy’s non-existence. He also, not surprisingly, accepted this new financial arrangement, albeit with the following stipulation: When it came time to swap molars for money, he insisted that Mom continue to place the dollar bills under his pillow. Oh, well!
It’s funny how people will cling to superstition even in the face of overwhelming real-world evidence to the contrary. A much-publicized example of this kind of clinging can be seen in the way much of the world is reacting to the recent birth of septuplets to Bobbi and Kenny McCaughey. "It just strikes me as a miracle!" boasted the proud father. "A gift from God!" rejoiced countless others. Even TIME magazine got in on the act declaring that "The McCaughey’s faith, plus a gamble on fertility drugs, won them a 7 figure jackpot." (see TIME, Dec. 1, 1997)
Well, I hate to be the philosophical party pooper here, but it looked to me like god screwed up. God created a pair of defective human beings, and it took medical science to step in and fix things. All the faith in the world couldn’t change that. Bobbi and Kenny McCaughey could have prayed until their lips fell off and they still would not have conceived without the helping hand of science.
And conception is just the tip of the iceberg. For without science, not only would there have been no conception, but there would have been no delivery, no birth (the septuplets were delivered by cesarean section). Moreover, there would have been no post-birth survival, and there might not have been the survival of the mother. It was science that made all of these "miracles" possible. God, on the other hand, didn’t do a damn thing. "We were trusting in the Lord for the outcome," a beaming Kenny told reporters shortly after the historic birth. Yeah, right! The McCaugheys know as well as I do that without science on their side they would be going nowhere fast. Forget about faith. Forget about prayer. Place these seven infants (born 10 weeks premature) on an alter in the Vatican surrounded by the Pope, Billy Graham, Benny Hinn and any other religious guru you care to throw in and these kids wouldn’t last ten minutes. On the other hand, place them on life support machines in a hospital surrounded by medical personnel trained in the science of keeping premature infants alive and you get … well, you get the McCaughey septuplets.
Still, god keeps getting all the credit. The birth of the McCaughey septuplets has been touted as some sort of miracle from god … a victory of faith. But faith had absolutely nothing to do with it. In fact, when you do insert faith into the picture, this event takes on a whole new dimension – one where dire eternal consequences come into play. For the sake of argument (and amusement), let’s take a moment and consider some of the inescapable implications of what would be going on here if the McCaughey’s religious beliefs were in fact true. And let’s consider these implications within the context of our present story.
For starters, one has to wonder why a devout Baptist couple like the McCaugheys would be dabbling in this fertility voodoo in the first place. Surely their god was capable of effecting a miraculous conception in Bobbi’s womb, just as he had done with Sarah, the 90 year-old wife of Abraham, and with Mary, the mother of Jesus. Seems to me that if the McCaugheys truly had faith in their god, they would have had tried conceiving the old fashion way -- with a miracle! Going to fertility doctors is hardly an act of faith. Quite the contrary, it seems to me like they had given up on their god.
Why didn’t the McCaughey’s simply play the hand god had dealt them? They certainly were not the first couple in history unable to have children. Surely god, in his infinite wisdom, had some cosmic reason for creating them this way. Christians are quite handy at reading meaning into every conceivable (or inconceivable, as the case may be) life situation. Your best friend get his head ripped off in a car accident? Don’t be bitter. Maybe god was trying to teach you a lesson … like, buckle up. Can’t have kids? Don’t despair. Maybe god wants you to do something else with you life. Perhaps it is simply his will.
Just think. Had the McCaugheys simply accepted their inability to have children as god’s will, what could they have done instead? What if they had taken the money they had dropped on fertility treatment and spent it instead on Bibles? Now there’s an idea! You can buy literally thousands of Bibles with the kind of money couples typically spend on fertility treatment. Instead of being so consumed with their own selfish desire to have children, why didn’t the McCaugheys turn their energies and resources to getting Bibles in the hands of non-believers (like me) and hopefully effect a spiritual birth? Rather than flout god’s will by embracing the secular magic of science, why didn’t the McCaugheys simply live like people of faith?
There are some rather severe moral implications to consider too. As devout Baptists the McCaugheys no doubt believe in heaven and hell. This raises an interesting question: What would happen to these children if they had died? Most Christians I know believe that when a child dies before reaching the age of spiritual accountability (whatever that is) the dead child goes to heaven. This would certainly be the case with infants like the McCaughey septuplets.
But if this is indeed the case, if infants who die as infants really do go to heaven, then why do we witness this Herculean effort to keep these youngsters alive? Wouldn’t they be better off dead? Infinitely better off? Think of the great expense that has been taken, not only to conceive and deliver these babies, but to keep them alive. The life support systems, the army of doctors and nurses, the science! Why go to all this expense to essentially rob these children of a guaranteed ticket to heaven?
Why are the McCaugheys (as well as the rest of this largely Christian nation) so thrilled that these seven infants are alive and doing so well? It seems to me that if Kenny and Bobbi really wanted what was in their children’s long-term best interest (and I would argue that staying out of hell is in one’s long-term best interest) then they would have yanked the plug on all this vain technology and let god take over. If they wanted to guarantee their children an eternity in heaven they ought to have steered clear of hospitals, prayed a lot, delivered these children naturally, and -- if it be god’s will -- let the children die. Within the context of the Christian faith, I can think of no happier ending. Can you?
If you think for one minute that I’m wandering off on some morbid religious tangent, think again. The concepts of heaven and hell are at the very heart of the Christian faith. According to the Bible, keeping believers out of hell was the number one reason Jesus lived and died.
Of course these doctrines are absurd in the extreme and have no more foundation in reality than does the tooth fairy myth. Moreover, embracing such ideas leads one to seriously consider all sorts of ridiculous and grotesque scenarios. Consider, for example, that within the context of an eternal heaven and hell, a person like Susan Smith becomes a hero. Yes, she killed her two young children, but where are they now? They’re in heaven! Tell me, what greater gift could a mother give to her children than the gift of heaven? Praise Jesus and thank god for women like Susan Smith!
In closing, I should probably make it clear that I wish Bobbi and Kenny McCaughey nothing but success in raising these historic new additions to their family. From all appearances, the McCaugheys appear to be sincere and gentle people who will undoubtedly shower these children with love. Admittedly, I wish they were freethinkers, just like I wish all people were freethinkers. Whether or not the McCaughey’s realize it, freethought is what leads men and women to discover the kinds of technologies that make it possible for people like themselves to have children. And look at the happiness this technology – this godless science – has brought to this young couple! And look at the hope it gives to countless other couples struggling to start a family.
Kenny McCaughey declared the birth of his septuplets a miracle.
No, Kenny. This is better than a miracle. This is science. This is real!
Copyright (c) 1997 Michael Scott Earl